


Play Crack the Sky

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst Fest 2k18, Ben Is Super Obsessed With Rey, Ben is a mess, Blow Jobs, Brother/Sister Incest, Codependency, Consensual Non-Consent, Dark, Darkfic, Dry Humping, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Incest, Mental Health Issues, Molestation, Non-Linear Narrative, Nothing Until Rey is 15/16, Obsession, POV Ben Solo, POV Third Person, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Kylo Ren, Prostitution, Protective Older Brothers, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Abuse, Sibling Incest, Stream of Consciousness, This is gonna get weird, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-08-09 07:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16445267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Ben isn't happy when he gains a new baby sister at fifteen, but soon he's wrapped around her finger, and eventually his obsessive love twists into something wrong.





	1. If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand

**Author's Note:**

> work title is a very relevant song by brand new  
> also: "the boy who blocked his own shot" by the same band VERY RELEVANT

On Ben’s fifteenth birthday, he finds out he’s going to be an older brother—and he’s _not_ happy about it.

It’s gross enough to think about his mother and father still fucking each other, but knowing there’ll be a baby screaming all hours of the night really pisses him off. He knows he’ll be stuck watching the damn thing and now he has to shift around little things in his teenage life to accommodate a fucking baby.

He storms off to his room and spends the rest of the afternoon smashing as much of his shit as he can. Ben’s already a pariah at school with barely any friends and now he’s going to be one of those weird kids with old parents having a baby.

Han comes up around nine. He opens Ben’s door without knocking and points a gnarled finger in his son’s face.

 “Be nice to your mother,” he snaps, “or you can move in with Luke.”

The door shuts and Ben throws his PlayStation controller at it. Fuck Han.

—————

 “Hey, dickhead, come meet your sister.”

Ben tugs down his headphones so they drape around his neck and gets up to follow his father. The kid is a couple weeks early and they barely made it in time for her to be born in the hospital. He wants to be pissy, but he’s glad Leia is ok.

They walk down a short hall past a few nurses to a suite in the end. Ben shuffles last Han and shoves open the door with his shoulder.

It smells like hospital; cleaner and air freshener and… something else. Baby powder. Ben runs a hand through his shoulder-length black hair to move it out of his face as he comes up on the bedside. Uncle Luke is already here. Great.

Luke smiles. He’s all gray and grizzled and shit, hovering over Leia like he always does. Ben grunts a greeting and plops into a chair on the other side of his mother without looking up.

Han smacks his back. “Here. Hold her. Name’s Rey.”

 “Rey?” Ben snorts. “That’s a stupid fucking—”

Then a squirming warm bundle gets shoved in his arms and he hisses and has to hold it. Han slaps the back of Ben’s head for good measure. Leia doesn’t say anything, so she must be asleep.

Ben huffs and glares down at Rey and the pink blanket she’s swaddled in. She’s tiny, with a round face and a button nose and pink cheeks. Looks like a doll, sort of. Her eyes screw shut and blink open, hazel and bright, studying her brother’s long, pale face. His scowl fades a bit.

Luke yawns. “The doctor says Rey’s fine—maybe a few extra days in the hospital. Leia’s exhausted.”

 “I know,” Han says, voice tight, “I was here.”

Rey yawns wide, squirming in Ben’s arms. He stares at her and the voices start to mingle together around him. He shifts her in his arm and offers one of his knobby fingers, and she coos and curls a tiny hand around it.

Rey. It fits.

—————

 “Okay—do you have everything you need?”

Leia hovers near the door with Han, dressed to the nines for their dinner date. She’s fretting over the diaper bag she’s leaving for Ben while he babysits Rey for the night. It’s almost her first birthday.

Ben rolls his eyes. He’s pushing seventeen and just wants his mother to go away.

 “Yeah,” he mutters, “I’ve watched her before, y’know.”

 “Not alone.” Leia clutches Han’s arm and peers over Ben to smile at Rey. “Mama will be back soon, sweetie. Be good for Ben.”

Rey gurgles.

They leave. Ben turns, sighing and rubbing his face, and smiles at Rey lying on her stomach on the floor. She’s surrounded by stuffed animals and new toys with bright, shiny colors, but somehow she shines the brightest.

She rolls over on her back and kicks her feet in her flower-print onesie. Ben changes the channel to football, because it’s not like she’s even watching Doc McStuffins, and kneels in front of her.

He’s not _obsessed_ —but he’d probably die for her.

 “Okay,” he says, raising his eyebrows. He grasps her tiny feet in his broad palms. “Let’s go over this again: _Ben._ Not _mama_ or _dada_ — _Ben._ Me first.” He grins and pedals her legs. “It’s gonna piss them off if you say my name first.”

Rey chews on her knuckles instead and stares up at him. Her wispy brown hair splays around her head like a halo.

Ben’s phone rings and he crooks it in his shoulder while moving Rey’s legs. It’s good for her gross motor skills or something. He only Googles stuff like that sometimes. Like, twice a day.

 “Hey, Solo,” drawls Hux. “Wanna go out?”

 “Can’t.” Ben watches a touchdown, absentmindedly pedaling his sister’s feet. “Watching the brat. Tomorrow, though.”

 “Fuck. Fine. Float me ten—it’s good shit.”

 “Sure. Dime bag?”

 “Yeah, same thing you always want.” Hux pauses and exhales. “Bazine’s been asking about you.”

Rey suddenly bursts into tears and Ben hangs up in the middle of saying ‘bye’ to Hux. He scoops her up and leans against the couch, still watching the game, and offers her one of her new pacifiers.

She sniffles and huffs and turns in his arms, curling under her chin. Ben rubs her back as rhythmic wet sucking brings down her screaming to whimpers.

He smiles, chest tingling with pleasure. _Rey._ She loves him.


	2. I hope you find out what you want

Rey learns to talk way too early. She gets an attitude way too early, too.

She stands in the kitchen doorframe with her hands on her hips, dressed in a green nightie. Han nudges his son and snickers. Ben feels his heart fall to pieces at the sight of her.

She stomps. “No school!”

Ben huffs. He’s twenty now, too old to be dealing with her. But she’s tiny and beautiful and he loves her, so he’s hovering to help Han. She wears the nightie Ben bought for her fourth birthday.

Han cocks his head. “Rey, sweetheart. Big girls go to school.”

“Ben doesn’t!” she wails. Rey plops on the floor and bursts into tears. “Ben doesn’t!”

 “Baby girl,” Ben coos, “baby. I go to school. I’m learning computer things. You can, too.” He strokes her head. “But you need to learn your alphabet and numbers. Okay?”

Rey’s lower lip quivers. She kisses Ben’s palm and he shivers.

 “Promise?” she mumbles.

Ben smiles.

 “Promise.”

—————

Ben knows he’s a loser, and maybe it should bother him more than it does. It doesn’t until Rey is ten, and he misses her party while he’s fucking a random hooker.

Some woman wails underneath him, arching her hips to meet his cock. It’s the second time he’s had sex, and the second paid time.

 “Fuck!” the woman squeaks.

They’re alone in his apartment. Ben fucks her hard and rough and snorts into his pillow. She’s warm and wet. He can get lost in her body. Candy. She squeals and squirms and he doesn’t have to care. He forgets about his baby sister smiling.

He pays her a grand and she leaves. Leia calls while he smokes a joint.

 “Nice, Ben,” mom snaps.

 “Whatever.” Ben leans back in his bed. “Like she cares. Did she get my present?”

 “The bed set? Yes. She loves it. She wants to know where her big brother is.”

Ben hangs up and chucks his phone across the room. He’s naked in bed, cock strewn with some woman’s fluids. He watches TV.

 “No she doesn’t.” He sighs. “Only you.”

—————

Ben is totally fucking crazy about Rey.

She’s thirteen, lanky and still a gross preteen, giggling on the phone with some boy. He hovers in the living room and listens to her giggle. He’s pushing thirty. He shouldn’t care. Leia wants him to babysit for a few hours.

Rey laughs. “Poe, _stop_!”

Ben chews his inner cheek. Fuck Poe.

He storms up to her bedroom, full of righteous big brother rage. Or so he thinks.

She’s in her pink bed, on her back and giggling, tan legs kicking in the air. Rey peers at her brother and scowls as he lurks inside her bedroom. She isn’t a tiny baby anymore. She’s big, she has long tan legs. A boy might want her.

Rey huffs. “Piss off, Ben!”

He leans on her door. “Who’s Poe?”

 “Fuck you!”

Ben snatches her phone and refuses to give it back. Rey chases him. He’s happy.

She can’t talk to Poe.


	3. I already know what I am

The worst thing about Poe is that he’s a nice kid. He has a nice family, too, and oh; they know Leia and Han from way back. He’s been hovering around Rey for almost two years, and now she’s fifteen on the cusp of her sweet sixteen, and he’s seventeen.

Ben picks at his mashed potatoes, stewing silently while they all laugh and talk about how Poe’s getting a scholarship to Notre Dame. Fucker. He has that good boy look about him and even Han thinks he’s great. Han hates _everyone_.

 “You’re so quiet, Ben!”

He glances up at his mother’s flushed red cheeks. She’s on her third glass of pinot. He’s always fucking quiet—he’s been quiet since he was a kid, and only ever came out of his shell to make Rey happy. Now he’s withdrawing again, unnerved by her skipping around the house without a bra, unnerved by her changing body.

Ben shrugs. “Long day at work.”

 “Long day typing?” Han snorts. He drinks his beer and Leia smacks his arm and tries to hide a laugh.

Fuck. He can’t wait to go home and go the fuck to sleep.

Rey touches her brother’s arm and scowls. “Don’t be rude, dad. Ben’s a _computer programmer_ —” She looks at Poe like this should impress him. “He’s smart.”

Ben’s arm tingles where Rey’s touching it. He rubs his nose and goes back to picking at his dinner.

Poe leaves around nine and shakes Leia and Han’s hands. Ben lounges on the couch, one arm slung across the back, watching football. He rubs his index finger to his thumb; grits his teeth. Just fucking leave, kid.

Front door opens and closes. Leia and Han shuffle off to the kitchen to clean up and then Rey is climbing over the back of the couch, plopping next to Ben. She throws her feet in his lap and he doesn’t flinch, just starts rubbing one. He watches the TV and pretends he’s bored.

 “So?”

 “So what?” Ben grunts.

 “Poe’s nice, right?”

Ben pushes his thumb up the middle of Rey’s foot to make her giggle and squirm. He knows all her ticklish spots.

 “He’s fine.”

Rey pushes her other foot against the side of her brother’s face. He’s not sure why, but he’s tempted to turn and kiss it.

 “You’re such a loser, Ben.”

—————

Maybe Ben’s a loser.

His apartment is seven hundred square feet, decked out with video game posters and collectible action figures, and none of the furniture matches. He’s a programmer that works from home and he usually doesn’t clean up after himself. Loser material, maybe.

Being so pissed off about his sister having a boyfriend might make him a loser, too—or just a good older brother. It’s always been him and Rey from the day she was born, and now she’s getting older, and now it’s him and Rey _and_ Poe. Ben hates it. He wishes he could go back to when Rey wobbled after him around the house and cried when he left the room.

No going back now. She’s been looking at colleges and soon she’ll leave and maybe never come back.

Ben sits heavily on his futon in the dark, quiet living room and rubs his chest, working out the tight sensation building there. What the fuck is he going to do if she never comes back? What if she _does_ come back and she’s pregnant or something? Fuck. The thought of that is straight-up sickening.

He texts her. _Please don’t make me an uncle before you’re married._

Then she doesn’t answer, and doesn’t answer, and doesn’t answer. The night stretches on.

Ben smokes a joint, then another, then another. He tosses back a couple beers and plays _Fortnite_ for a while, still waiting for Rey to answer, then decides to go see her himself. He’s totally fuckin’ fine to drive. He needs to make sure she isn’t letting some gross teenage boy hump her. It makes him so fucking nauseous.

He stumbles to the kitchen for his keys. _His_ Rey. Ben watched her learn how to walk and how to use a goddamn toilet. He remembers licking ice cream off her sticky fingers in the swell of summer after she made him chase down the ice cream truck. She never needs sunscreen because her skin freckles and tans and she _glows._

Fucking Poe Dameron didn’t carry her on his back through Disney World when she said she didn’t feel like walking anymore. He didn’t give her baths until she turned ten and asked mom to tell Ben that she was big enough to do it on her own.

Ben sags on the kitchen island and coughs up a sob. She’s been pulling away from him for years and now he just can’t pull her back. Why can’t she turn back into the five-year-old who clung to his leg on her first day of school? Why doesn’t she need him anymore the way he’s needed her from the moment he held her in the hospital?

Giggling interrupts Ben’s hysteria. He glances up as a key crunches and Rey stumbles into his apartment in a tiny skirt and crop top. Her hair’s a mess. She has hickies down her neck.

But he’s grabbing Poe motherfucking Dameron by his collar now, shoving him into the wall, and tossing him out. He shuts and locks the door and Rey’s drunkenly demanding Ben let her stupid fucking boyfriend in.

 “That key is for emergencies!” Ben spits.

Rey wavers on her feet. They’re both fucked up.

 “You’re so mean!” she wails, but her brother knows she’s just trying to guilt him.

 “He can call a fucking Uber.”

Ben’s furious like he’s never been before. He grabs her wrist and drags her down the hallway to his messy bedroom, desperate to get her out of her gross clothes and change her back into something he recognizes.

Rey blubbers while he roughly strips her. He’s so mad he can’t see straight. He yanks the skirt off her hips and sees a lacy red thong that he _wants to pull off with his teeth._ His thoughts keep going and he pulls her shirt over her head to keep himself distracted. Think about _anything_ else.

She’s sniffling, lower lip trembling when Ben has her in one of his old Nirvana t-shirts and a pair of black basketball shorts. There. Perfect. No thong, no pink bra. He can even ignore the blood rushing to his cock at the sight of her.

_No, no, no—_

 “Get in bed,” he says thickly.

Rey turns away and he unbuttons his jeans. He just saw a thong—of course he’s hard. It has nothing to do with his little sister. Nothing at all.

 “You suck,” she whimpers as she crawls into his messy queen bed. “And so do your fucking sheets.”

 “Don’t swear.”

 “ _Fuck_ you, Ben. I’m not a little kid anymore.” Rey grabs all the pillows and faces the wall, curling up in them like a nest. “I’ll hate you forever if you tell mom and dad.”

Ben doesn’t answer. He changes into boxers and a plain shirt and follows her into bed. They used to sleep together all the time. He’d wake up with her foot in his face and she slept like a rock.

Now? He’s not sure.

He sleeps facing the other way, heart pounding, and listens to Rey sniffle to herself.

Finally—just the two of them.


	4. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a ng s t

 “Ben?”

She’s tiny, three feet above the ground, knees scraped, thin lower lip quivering. She reaches out for him and hiccups a sob. He told their mother ‘Rey roughhouses too much to wear fucking dresses; she’s gonna _trip_.’ This time she’s running from him, furious that he’s going to college and insisting she’s running away.

Ben feels a warm swell in his chest as he lifts her under her armpits and gathers her in his arms. Rey cries into his neck; wraps her skinny legs around his waist. She smells like sunshine and pool water.

 “It’s okay,” he soothes. “I’m here.” He rubs her back, fingers tracing along her thin rickety spine. “I love you, kid. You know that?”

 “You’re leaving!” she wails.

He’s eighteen and yeah, should be going off to MIT. But he can’t leave Rey to cry on someone else’s shoulder. Who will pick her up when she falls? Leia can’t even fucking dress her right, and Han would tell her to ‘quit blubbering.’

Ben buries his face in her hair and takes a deep breath. Cucumber shampoo and mom’s expensive lotion Rey managed to dump on the bathroom floor—and smear in her hair—and eat. He knows. He had to wash her hair, and he picked the shampoo, even though Han laughed at how expensive it was.

It makes her hair lighter. Easier to braid and put in ponytails so she doesn’t get it caught on branches when she’s playing in the woods out back. Rey’s a wild child, and she’s always somehow three steps ahead of her brother, bounding off with a cheeky grin and a scrape or a bruise or dirt under her fingernails.

He loves her beyond comprehension. He figures he’ll be chasing her forever, but he doesn’t want her to be stuck chasing him.

Rey tangles her fingers in Ben’s shoulder-length hair and tugs her lips up to his ear. Lips brush skin. He closes his eyes.

 “Please stay,” she whispers, hiccuping at the end.

 “…Okay.”

—————

There’s been so many years of Rey being Ben’s shadow, and now she’s stepping out, and things are getting weird.

Showering, sleeping, eating; once she tried to come in the bathroom because she swore she had to pee just as bad as him. It’s never been weird. Funny, because she’d always break down into tears and smirk when she got her way. She wanted space when puberty started and he gave it to her. Not weird. Sad, because she got bigger and needed him less, but not weird.

Ben stares at the back of her head while she sleeps beside him and for the first time, he has a boner, and it’s weird. He’d have rather cut his own dick off if it happened when she was little, but now she wears short skirts and lets boys give her hickies. _Poe Dameron._

Ben might still be high. The bed is warm and he misses his sister and needs to apologize for ripping her clothes off last night.

He shifts closer and smells her hair, eyes closed, and picks up cigarette smoke. Better not be _her_ smoking. He’ll kick her ass. Or just tell her he’s really disappointed, but not angry.

But her hair is soft. She usually wears it down nowadays. She doesn’t run through the woods like she used to. Now she needs to impress boys like _Poe Dameron_ and Ben remembers Rey crying about _Poe Dameron_ mocking her for catching frogs. Slowly, she stopped playing in dirt and asking Ben to keep her crickets and frogs in a bucket and picking up spiders and putting grasshoppers in her pockets.

Ben rolls his hips to hide his shame and wraps an arm around her torso, struggling ever closer, nuzzling into the back of Rey’s head. She mumbles in her sleep and he grunts back. Please be little again, when nothing was weird and she needed him as much as he still needs her.

Rey spins over in a flash, grabs Ben’s arms, and they’re rolling out of bed on the floor. She’s laughing thank god, chestnut hair glowing in the early morning sun. She wants to wrestle like they used to.

Usually he lets her win, but he’s pissed off and upset at the sight of Poe Dameron’s hickies. He growls and flings her on her back and she squeals and thrashes, but he’s not going to let her get off that easy.

 “Ben!” she squeals.

He pins her wrists above her head and she kicks her feet. His heart hammers from the sound of her shrieking with laughter—oh god—he’s going to fucking die if she ever leaves him. She’s already lighting up his dark, depressing apartment the way no one else can.

Ben’s kneeling between her thighs. He’s suddenly so terrified that he rests his weight on Rey, trying to keep her from escaping or running back to her gross boyfriend. Her laughter fades and she huffs instead, squirming underneath him.

 “Ben.” She twists her wrists. “Get _off_. You’re too freaking heavy.”

He nuzzles her neck. “I love you so much.”

 “Yeah, _I know_ , you tell me all the time.”

Their bodies slot together the way they should, groin to groin, bones bumping, but then Rey flips over so she’s straddling his hips. Ben grabs her hips tight to hold her in place. She’s smiling. He’s not.

 “Don’t tell mom and dad,” she says.

 “Yeah.” Ben gazes at her and pushes her down. “I won’t tell if you don’t tell.”

Then her smile wipes off her face as she feels what he wants. He’s hard, still, and she knows what it is. She stares down at Ben and he bites his lower lip and groans and moves his hips.

She jerks back. “I don’t—”

 “Just—don’t go—” He swallows, rubbing her hip bones with his thumbs, eyes watering. She jerks and he holds her firm, rocking their bodies together. Feels good… now he knows, he loves her the way he shouldn’t, and he hopes it hasn’t been that way from the start. “Please don’t go.”

Rey slaps him. His cheek stings and he lets go, but scrambles after her as she storms for the door. He’s following again, trying to keep up, but she’s always going to be three steps ahead of him.

Ben swings in front of the door to stop her and she screams and thrashes his chest with her kitten fists. He grabs them and clenches his jaw to keep from screaming back at her.

Then he does.

 “I stayed for _you_!” he shouts, shaking her roughly. “I gave up fucking MIT and a life so I could keep you from slipping through the cracks, and you can’t even stay for _me_?!”

 “I hate you!” she hisses and sobs. “Drop dead!” Her anger fades and she bursts into real tears. “I don’t know why you’re so—so mad at m-me! I’m not even going anywhere!” She yanks her wrists and screams again. “Let go! LET GO!”

He flings her aside and he’s pretty sure she deliberately collides with the island. Ben runs a hand through his hair and Rey cries and runs out the door without her phone or her shoes.

He takes a sharp, angry turn and punches a hole in the wall, then leans out the door.

 “I’m fucking telling mom and dad!”


	5. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ben bangs a hooker to forget about rey
> 
> uhhh yikes okay so they engage in “consensual non-consent” which is basically rape role play
> 
> so sorry i forgot to add this warning—avoid this chapter if CNC upsets you

 “You still have Candy’s number?”

Hux laughs. “Dude, she’s dead. That’s what happens to cheap hookers.”

Ben’s pacing his kitchen, back to smoking and trying to forget what he just did to his sister. He grunts at Hux’s joke over the phone and feels a weird sense of guilt knowing Candy’s dead.

He checks his laptop to see if Rey’s answered any of his emails or texts or Facebook messages. Of course not—she doesn’t have her fucking phone—but teenagers always find a way to get on the internet. Where is she? Why’s she ignoring him?

 “Anyone else?” Ben asks. He scrolls through old porn he doesn’t really watch.

 “Why don’t you go pick up some drunk girl at a bar and fuck her for free?

 “There’s stuff I wanna do and I don’t want to do it to someone who isn’t getting paid. Feels gross. I don’t want to take advantage.”

Hux heaves a sigh. “No hope for you, I guess. Call up Bazine Netal. She just got a divorce—single mom now. She’ll probably do whatever the fuck you want for free.” He clicks his tongue. “But I’ve got a girl, too—Kaydel Connix. She’s eighteen; a grand for the night.”

Ben takes a deep pull from his joint and tries to pretend his heart doesn’t flutter. Eighteen—almost Rey’s age. Paid, so he doesn’t have to feel bad about the shit he wants to do to her.

 “Alright,” he says, “shoot me her number.”

—————

Kaydel pops up two hours later, payment sent through PayPal, hovering nervously in Ben’s doorway. He locks it behind her and watches the way she hugs herself and looks around his apartment. She’s pretty. Wispy brown hair; big brown eyes. He likes that she’s uncomfortable. Lets him comfort her.

 “You smoke?” he asks.

 “Not really. I prefer staying sober.”

Ben raises his eyebrows. He’s thoroughly fucked up on beer, weed, and maybe a little coke. His brain isn’t sure where it wants to go but he feels a nice buzz that lets him stop worrying about Rey. The coke’s an indulgence. Once in a while. Not like heroin.

There’s no commitment with a prostitute; no need to feel bad when he acts out the fucked up shit he likes. She can go home and cry into her wad of cash if she feels that bad. Bazine would go home and cry in an empty bed and maybe her kids would hear. Ben doesn’t think he can live with that kind of guilt.

He rubs his eyes. “There’s an outfit in my bedroom on the bed. I want you to put it on and come back.”

Kaydel nods shyly and slinks off. He’s glad she’s not the usual type, all confident and asking him what he likes. He likes commanding and demanding and possessing. Power and control. But he doesn’t want to hurt anyone with what he wants, so paying for depraved sex lets him sleep at night.

He hits another line and when he looks up, Kaydel is back in Rey’s outfit from the night before. Ben groans at the sight and shoves his baggie of coke back in the island drawer. Fuck.

His head spins. “I wanna pretend to rape you, but you start liking it and begging me at the end.”

 “Um… okay.”

 “Is it okay if I slap and choke you? I don’t want to overstep.”

Kaydel wrings her hands. “…Maybe I’ll smoke a little.”

 “Alright. That’ll help.” Ben rummages for his bowl. “I can pay you extra, too. Extra five-hundred?”

Her eyes widen and she nods quickly. Ben has the money, he just never uses it. He nods back and offers her the bowl.

 “Tell me if it’s too much,” he says. “I really don’t want to hurt you.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Like, legitimately.”

 “Okay. Thank you.”

Ben lets Kaydel get as fucked up as she wants so she can tolerate what he wants. He’s fucking mad. He misses Rey and he doesn’t want to admit he wants to fuck Rey, or that he’s in love with her, or that he wants to spank her and shove her panties in her mouth. He’ll take it out on someone paid and non-related.

It’s better when she’s wasted. Kaydel wanders down the hall to Ben’s bedroom, swaying and giggling. Trashed, but she’s paid. Paid. That makes it better. She looks like Rey from behind.

He lurks behind her. “You gonna tell on me?”

 “Yeah. I am.”

Ben grabs Kaydel and throws her on his bed, mounts her from behind. He inhales the scent of Rey in the clothes and fumbles with a condom. He doesn’t want foreplay. He wants to fuck.

 “I fucking sacrificed for you,” he hisses in her ear. “Stayed in that miserable fucking house, and now you’re ditching me for some fucking boy.” He shoves Kaydel down, pinning her head to the bed. “I’ll show you a man.”

Then he forces his way inside Kaydel, but imagines Rey, and pins her hands and squeezes them while he fucks her. She pretends to wail and begs him to stop until he turns her on her back and slaps her across the face. Ben tries to hold back, then he seizes her throat, squeezing, squeezing, _squeezing_. Kaydel rasps.

 “You’re mine,” he snaps. “You’re staying right here with me.”

He comes inside her while she scratches at his wrists. Ben thinks about Rey writing underneath him and doesn’t feel bad. Maybe he’s too high to feel bad. He fucks Kaydel again, shouts at her, thinks about shouting at Rey and flinging her into the island.

Then Kaydel cries and Ben finds bruises on her throat. He feels so guilty he pays her another five-hundred and sleeps on the couch. She’s still crying when she leaves in the morning, but he’s pleased with the comforts he offered.

—————

 “I think I want to fuck my sister.”

The shrink looks up. His name is Dr. Snoke, which seems weird. Ben chews the inside of his cheek and shrugs.

 “I don’t know.” He scratches his jaw. “I keep thinking about her.”

 “Hm. And this is recent?”

 “Yeah; I’m not a fucking pedophile.”

Dr. Snoke scribbles. “We’ll see. Have you felt this way about any other underage girls?”

 _No._ Ben shakes his head furiously, enraged it would even be suggested, and folds his arms over his chest. He’s only ever banged women eighteen and older; never thought about little girls. Never thought about anyone until Rey.

He wants her to need him. He loves her. Why doesn’t she love him?

Dr. Snoke rubs his skinny jaw.

 “Try journaling. Maybe work out these urges with an adult woman, or invest in some toys. You’ll feel better.”

Toys. Gross. Ben scowls.

 “Can’t you just give me pills?” he snaps.

 “No.”

Great. Fabulous. He’s alienated a hooker and now he has to service himself to get over his weird obsession with Rey.

Ben stands up abruptly. “Fine—thanks.”


	6. I'll grow old and start acting my age

Ben’s one-hundred percent positive he didn’t want to fuck Rey when she was a little kid.

It makes him feel better.

—————

They’re on vacation in Virginia Beach, staying in a fancy beach house. Ben brings Rey back from picking along the shore for shells at night, because he promised her he’d show her the glowing tide. The crabs scared the shit out of her.

She holds his hand while they walk. She’s eleven, growing up, and Ben wishes she’d stop.

 “I like the curly one,” she chirps. Her flip flops slap on the warm pavement. “Can we go tomorrow night, too?”

 “Yeah, whatever you want, kid.”

Rey smiles. She _always_ gets whatever she wants.

Some girl texts Ben but he’s not really worried about it. He’s listening to Rey rattle off all the things she wants to do tomorrow, like visit the aquarium and eat ice cream for breakfast (hell no; she’ll crash before lunch) and braid Ben’s hair.

They get back to the house. Rey’s covered in sand and leads Ben behind the house through the dark, cricket-filled dune grass. He follows her helplessly—like he always does.

She walks in the outdoor shower and keeps chattering. “Lacey Duvall went to Disney this year.” Then she’s peeling off her one-piece without missing a beat. “But I think…”

Ben turns away as fast as he can and struggles to get the image of of his head. It’s seared behind his eyelids. He feels nauseous as Rey yacks and rinses herself off with the hose. Fuck—what the fuck.

She goes in and goes to sleep, and Ben’s so upset that he drinks until he pukes. He misses aquarium day. Rey’s mad, but the image of her is wiped clear out of his brain. Thank god.

—————

After a week of no contact, Ben drives over to his parents’s house on Saturday morning. He has to see Rey. Leia already called and bitched him out for letting her walk around without shoes, but not for rubbing his cock on her.

He walks in the McMansion and finds Rey sitting in the living room watching TV. She looks over her shoulder and scowls when she catches his eye. His heart skips a beat—she’s wearing his old Queen t-shirt that drapes to to her skinny thighs.

 “Did you come here to yell at me again?” she calls, peevish.

Ben pulls off his sneakers and shuffles out to the couch. Rey jumps up and pats away from him, bare feet slapping on the hardwood, and he follows her in a circle through the first floor.

She storms upstairs to her bedroom and he can’t help but pursue. Rey tries to slam her door shut, but Ben catches it with one hand and shoves it open. She stumbles back, then jerks forward and pushes hard in his chest.

 “Get away from me, freak!” Rey hisses.

Ben’s overwhelmed at the sight of her in his shirt. He seizes her around the waist, wrapping his arms where he shouldn’t, and she shrieks and squirms. He tries kissing her on the lips and she slaps him hard across the face, so he nibbles at the skin under her jaw. Tastes like pool water.

He’s dizzy. He hugs her close.

 “You owe me,” he mutters. His cheek stings and salty tears mingle with the pool flavor. “You owe me.” They stumble back and Ben runs his greedy hands down to her ass. “Give me—give me something. You _owe me_.”

She fucking owes him a scrap of skin; a quick orgasm. She owes her brother a taste.

Rey cries harder. “I’m sorry I made you miss school—I’m sorry I’m such a bad sister.”

 “You’re a spoiled fucking brat.” Ben bends her over her twin bed, rustling her pink sheets, pressing his cock to her ass. He snaps in her ear. “Leaving me for Poe fucking Dameron? No. No.” He grabs her stuffed animals by the fistful, flinging them off the bed. “I don’t think so.”

 “B-Be careful!” she blurts. Ben lifts her on the bed and kneels behind her, between her thighs. “My Vermont teddy bear is in there!”

He grunts. “I bought it for you.” He pushes up the shirt over the small of Rey’s back and unbuckles his belt. “You wouldn’t stop crying until I did. I’ll just buy you another one, brat.” His fingers tremble as he works open his jeans. “You always cry until you get what you want.”

Ben’s heart races as he pushes his jeans down to his thighs and turns Rey over on her back. She keeps her face covered with both hands at first, then Ben slots his hips to hers, white panties to black briefs, and she swats at his chest. Her nose is all scrunched; eyes screwed shut.

Ben lowers down. He buries his face in her pillows and takes deep sniffs of her strawberry shampoo smell in the fabric. It’s better than coke.

Rey’s panties are flimsy and Ben can feel the little dusting of hair each time he makes a long slow thrust with his hips. There’s no skin to skin but he can feel her body heat, hot like sin, and feel her folds part and dampen for him. He twists his head and grunts into her chlorine-scented hair.

 “Can you?” he mumbles. He wants her to come, but he doesn’t want to ask out loud.

Rey gives a quick nod. He keeps going, flying high; and somehow this is better than him using his fingers to penetrate her body. Somehow it’s better than her tiny hand around his cock, stroking him to completion until sticky hot cum dribbles  down her fingers.

It’s better than licking her cunt and knowing in the most intimate way how his little sister tastes. It’s _definitely_ better than her kneeling and drooling all over his cock, choking on it with tears in her eyes, lapping up his precum.

Mostly, it works because he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes and remember that time she begged him not to make her go to school—or begged him to watch _Frozen_ instead of _Taken._ Ben’s not committing the ultimate unforgivable sin and he won’t have an image bled behind his eyelids of his little sister crying and wincing.

Ben snorts, thrusting hard enough to jiggle the squeaky bed. He’s unbelievably hard. He wants to peel off her panties and plunge inside.

 “Not gonna last,” he offers. A guttural groan breaks loose. “I love you so much.”

 “…I know.”

The front door sweeps open downstairs. Rey’s squirming and bucking; Ben grabs the headboard to make the bed stop rocking. He just lies there and listens to her soft panting as she writhes her way to orgasm while Leia’s laughter floats from downstairs.

 “Rey?” she calls. “Ben?”

Ben slaps a hand over his sister’s mouth. She grabs his hips; fists the hem of his jeans. He’s rolling his hips slow between her thighs and he can feel wetness blooming near his hilt. Rey’s wet. Rey’s shuddering thighs are clenched tight around his hips and she’s huffing in his palm, straining and desperate to come.

A knock on the door. Ben clears his throat and he’s relieved he had the sense to lock it.

 “Yeah?” he calls.

 “Ben? What are you doing in there?”

Rey’s breath catches. She’s coming. Ben whispers ‘shh’ in her ear and clamps down harder on her mouth while her little wriggles draw out long and slow. Her toes curl on the back of his denim-clad calves and she takes harsh breaths through her nose. Nails bite into his waist.

 “Movie,” Ben calls back. “Rey’s asleep.” He’s still working his hips, drawing her orgasm out.

 “Alright. Well, she has a piano lesson in a few hours. Make sure she’s up.”

 “Will do.”

Leia’s shoes click away.

Rey shivers and goes limp, languid with pleasure. Ben’s hips stutter as he humps her as fast as he can because his dick is so hard it hurts. He’s at a frantic pace, ragged breaths into Rey’s neck, still covering her mouth.

 “You have a piano lesson,” he grunts in her ear. His stomach tightens up. He’s about to come. “Don’t leave me. You—you can’t leave me.”

Then pleasure overrides common sense and Ben moans as his orgasm overtakes him. It clenches his muscles and they release with fluttering throbs, pumping up through his shaft. He gasps into the pillows as he spurts cum on his briefs; then he feels soft skin on the head of his cock. He’s cumming on her lower belly.

The flood recedes, leaving Ben panting on top of his sister. Han laughs downstairs.


	7. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate

 “How long?”

Ben’s lying beside Rey in her twin bed, now wearing her shirt—his shirt—after using his to wipe his cum off her stomach. His briefs have guilty stains he can’t wipe off.

He swallows.

 “A while.”

Rey doesn’t answer for a long handful of minutes. Now she’s wearing another one of her brother’s old band tees but she doesn’t have any pants on. She’s quiet. Trembling. Ben doesn’t want to give her the chance to think too much, but he doesn’t know what to say.

Their parents chatter downstairs while some TV show fills the cavernous house with senseless noise. They have no idea. They _never_ have any idea, though.

But it’s not their parents he’s worried about it. It’s them coming to terms with what they just did and processing how it changes _them_ forever. He checks his watch—Rey’s piano lesson is in two more hours. They can stay in their bubble a little longer.

Ben tugs her sheets loose and somehow shifts his six foot something body to accommodate Rey next to him, back to chest. She’s a bit sweaty from squirming; she still smells like shampoo and girly perfume. He closes his eyes and breathes in her scent. _Rey._

 “I love you so much,” he whispers. He pushes a hand up under her shirt, over her ribs, savoring warm skin. “Please don’t leave me.”

 “Why shouldn’t I? You’re a jerk.”

Rey squirms and slips away. Ben’s hand follows, sliding across her skin, still outstretched when she’s up on her feet.

He stands. “Dad’s going to kick Poe’s ass when I tell him you came to my apartment drunk and covered in—” Ben twists his neck. “You’re being a brat.”

 “Whatever. Freak.”

Old anger flares up from when Ben was the kid all the other kids made fun of for being a loner and being weird. _Freak._ Rey’s the one person who shouldn’t call him that; shouldn’t treat him this way. She’s growing up into something he can’t control.

He seizes her wrist and she pivots and slaps him across the face. Furious, Ben grabs her other wrist and drags her back to her pink twin bed, sheets tangled from them fooling around. He bends Rey over it at her hips and stands between her knees.

 “You’re not leaving me—not now, not ever.” He lets up, tugs on the hem of her shirt—his shirt—and she squeals and kicks her feet. “No more being a spoiled brat. You owe me.”

 “I don’t owe you _anything!_ ”

They wrestle, completely unmatched, but Rey rolls off the bed and falls hard on her shoulder. She scrambles for the door but Ben pins her, loses his grip, pins her again. She hisses like an angry cat and her thighs tremble around his hips when he catches her on the beige carpet near her dresser.

He covers her mouth even though he knows she won’t scream. Rey’s spoiled rotten. She thinks she can leave Ben and grow up and out and let boys mark her skin? She’s all Ben’s ever had and all he ever _will_ have and he’s not letting that flicker of light leave him dark and empty.

She casts shadows, though. Illuminates things Ben doesn’t want to see.

God help him, she’s squirming and half-naked and he’s turned on all over again. His breath’s hot and humid on her skinny little neck as he ruts between her legs, tearing rug burn on his knees. Rey twines her calves around his and strains closer. She clings to his shifting shoulder blades.

 “You like hickies, huh?” Ben chuffs. He bites the crook of her neck and shoulder— _bites._ Rey squeals sweet; digs her nails in his back. Little bitch. Spoiled brat.

He’s heavy and twice her size and he likes the feeling of pinning her down. Her soft body writhes. She arches, meeting Ben’s haphazard thrusts with a wet spot on her panties, and his dick catches. He pushes on instinct but there’s fabric in the way, stained briefs and little white panties; a hot taste of sin. Ben groans. He bobs his hips, teasing.

So close. So close. Quick shift of clothes, two seconds, he can be balls deep in his sister. Blood throbs in his ears. He pants on the purple hickey blooming on Rey’s delicate skin.

No condom, just skin-to-skin, blood-to-blood. Poe Dameron will never have her. He never did. She’s always been Ben’s.

Always will be.

Ben twists her thong around his fist and pulls until it snaps apart. It leaves his hand throbbing in pain but he doesn’t care. He ignores the sound of Leia on the phone downstairs as he paws his briefs down over his thighs. Rey spreads her legs and breathes hard in his palm. She wriggles.

He smells her hair. Sticky warm wet teases his cockhead with a hesitant roll of his hips—but it’s more rapturous than tentative. Rey Rey Rey. Thighs spread like the good girl she is, little body singing and straining, naked legs rubbing Ben’s.

He presses his forehead to the rough carpet and dips further, deeper, meeting the first swallow of her cunt. Skin spreads like her body is drawing him into a hot and wet embrace that he shouldn’t need so badly. She’s not wide open. She’s tight virgin, and for a second, Ben remembers changing her diapers; big round hazel eyes watching him with a fist stuffed in her gummy mouth—

Knock knock. “Dinner, you two!”

Ben can’t bullshit. He rolls off his sister, ears ringing, and yanks on his jeans. Leia’s half down the hall when he rips the door open but she doesn’t bother looking back.

He stumbles into the guest bathroom and vomits in the tub—all green bile. Funny. He figured it’d be black.

—————

 “I got like half an inch inside her. That doesn’t count, right? It was a heat of the moment thing. It was an accident. I’ve never touched her pussy, y’know. And she’s never touched my dick.”

Dr. Snoke watches Ben make excuses, eyebrow raised. Ben’s desperate to excuse it. He’s nauseous all over again thinking about how he thought about Rey as an infant in that moment.

It just popped in his head. At least it didn’t turn him on or anything. Thank god it makes him sick.

Ben leans forward in his chair and covers his face with both hands. “I love her so much. I can’t do this anymore.”

 “It sounds like Rey feels the same way. Maybe work up to penetrative sex—try things that haven’t triggered you, like dry sex, and penetrate her with your fingers first. She should probably see your penis before you push it inside her, hm?”

 “I don’t want to feel this way.” Ben combs his hands back through his hair, clenching it at the root. “I don’t want to… _want_ her.”

 “Why?” Dr. Snoke asks. “Because society tells you it’s wrong?”

 “Yeah, because it’s wrong to want to fuck my little sister. I used to change her fucking diapers and showed her how to ride a bike. I watched her take her first steps.”

Snoke shrugs. “Maybe you just want to be another first.”


	8. A crown of gold

They’re on the floor in Ben’s bedroom, same position from three days ago with Rey. He’s not stupid enough to raw a hooker, but it’s crossed his mind a couple times.

Kaydel kicks her feet and screams into his palm the way he asked her to. She took a shower with Rey’s shampoo so she smells the part and she’s wearing the outfit Rey left behind a few weeks back. Ben fucks her gently, one hand over her mouth and the other up her shirt playing with her tits. He whispers in her ear.

 “It’s okay, baby. I know it hurts.” He snuffs in her hair, imagining Rey, imagining feeling her breasts and taking her virginity. “I love you.”

She’ll fight at first. Panic. Ben will calm her down.

Kaydel moans and hooks her legs over his hips. He murmurs compliments and their skin squelches as he picks up his pace. Breathing turns ragged.

 “Gonna come inside you,” Ben mutters. He struggles closer, thumping Kaydel on the floor. “Fill up that pretty little pussy—soak your little panties.” He clenches his jaw, resisting his imminent climax. “You gonna tell mom and dad? Think they’ll—think they’ll notice the stains on your pretty panties and pretty sheets?”

Fuck; they won’t. They don’t notice anything.

Ben taps his foot on the floor, struggling to hold back, but he comes in the next moment. He swears and holds Kaydel in place, spilling into the condom with sharp, violent thrusts. She squeals. Rey’s going to freak out if he comes in her.

 “F-fuck—” He arches his back, groaning, pumping his load. “Oh, _Rey._ No worries, baby. No worries.”

Ecstasy fades to emptiness again.

Ben leans back, chest heaving. He snaps off the condom and stands, leaving Kaydel trembling and panting on his floor. She didn’t come but she doesn’t get paid to come.

He goes to the bathroom and comes back with his stained black briefs and T-shirt on. He’s tired. Kaydel better be gone.

 “Can you come tomorrow?” he calls, scratching his head. He walks down the dark hall. “Same deal; quick fuck on the floor for five hun—”

Rey’s tucking Kaydel into his bed. She’s in black leggings and a long T-shirt; one of his Black Sabbath shirts. Kaydel looks like she’s asleep and she has tears sparkling on her cheeks.

Ben stops dead in the doorway. Rey touches Kaydel’s shoulder and turns to face her brother with her clothes in her arms.

She studies him, silent. He feels sick.

 “She’s supposed to leave when I’m done,” he blurts. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

 “She’s in my _class._ Kaydel Connix.” Rey shoves past Ben. “She’s sixteen. I think you can let her take a quick nap before you kick her out.”

Ben rushes after Rey. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking Hux sent him a fucking underage hooker.

He tries not to grab his sister. “I had no idea. Hux said she was eighteen—I paid—I—”

 “You really are a freak.”

But she doesn’t leave. Rey sits in the living room on the futon and turns on Ben’s TV. She tugs a blanket over her curled legs and doesn’t say anything more.

Ben sits. He twiddles his thumbs until Rey sticks a leg in his lap. He rubs her foot and she turns over on her back, still silent and not speaking to him. They watch TV in silence for a long time. He has his drug shit out on the coffee table: dust from a couple lines of coke, sprinkles of weed. Shit.

The sheet shifts and Ben catches movement under the blanket right between Rey’s legs. His breath hitches.

Rey has her eyes closed, lips parted, and a telltale lump squirms around. She’s masturbating. Holy shit. He doesn’t bother trying to pretend he isn’t laser-focused on her not-so-subtle motions.

Ben stares and paws at his cock, wishing he could get hard again. He runs his nails along her instep and watches the little wriggles his sister makes while some show plays across the room. She smiles a bit and jerks her foot back.

 “That tickles,” she mumbles.

He grabs her ankle and shifts closer. The futon squeaks. Ben traces his nails up her calf and inner thigh and clasps his quivering hand over Rey’s moving around in her leggings. He swallows. Two fingers spread around her folds, maybe one dipping inside her a half inch. Christ.

 “You’re ticklish everywhere.” His thumb teases her groin and she giggles. “See?” Traces back to her pinky. Her fingers move rhythmically.

Rey bucks her hips. “Ben?”

 “Mhm—yup?”

 “You love me, right?”

 “Yes. Yes.” He squeezes her hand, staring at her undulating fingers. “So much.”

 “Can you help me?”

Rey slips her hand free and Ben seizes her wrist, sucking her fingers as he rubs his fingertips outside her leggings. She cups his hand and rocks into his touch. He’s not moving much. She’s rutting on his palm, biting her lower lip, eyes closed.

Ben kisses her palm after he’s licked up every bit of her musky taste. He feels dizzy with excitement. Now he knows what he shouldn’t.

“How’s this?” he asks, rolling his palm. He cups her damp hand over his cheek and closes his eyes for a moment. “Does it tickle?”

 “Something like that,” Rey breathes.

He pulls his cock free, hard and painfully ready. She grabs his hand with both of hers and her breaths turn fast and hard. Ben’s head spins. He licks his lips and pumps his cock under the blanket. Fuck. Fuck. Baby steps.

Rey whimpers and her eyebrows raise. She’s coming. Ben watches her twitch and whine as she rubs off on his hand. God. He rolls his thumb down and strokes the wet spot where her entrance is, staring at her, enraptured. The tip of his thumb worms in—he wants to feel it.

He slides his palm up, pushing her shirt over her belly, then turns in place. He’s close. He wants to come on her tits but he’ll settle for her tight stomach. He holds her knee.

Rey breathes hard and suddenly kicks him away.  Stumbles to her feet, chest still heaving, and shivers. She sinks to the floor in front of the television and slouches over with her arms wrapped around her. She shudders.

They’re quiet. Uncomfortable silence.

 “Rey?” Ben croaks. He’s still stroking his cock. “C’mere, baby. Come back.” He tugs the blanket over his lap. “I missed you the past few days.”

 “…I don’t feel good.”

Fuck—forget about your fucking boner, asshole.

Ben rolls his eyes and huffs, but obediently tucks himself under the waistband of his briefs. He rubs his face and shuffles from the futon to the floor beside Rey, blanket in hand. She pulls it tight around her shoulders and stares at the TV.

 “Do you just sit here and get high?” she asks.

It’s such an about-face that Ben just shrugs. She’s sending such weird mixed signals—is she confused? Upset? Does she want to go further, because he has a painful hard-on and is considering going in the bathroom to get himself off. He tries to casually drape a hand in his lap to stroke his cock but the motion is obvious.

 “I work, too. Coding and stuff.” Ben nuzzles Rey’s temple, skating his fingers along his length, teasing himself. “Think about you.”

 “Don’t tell me that.”

He rests his weight on his palm behind her back. She leans away but he follows, thumbing under the head of his cock. He wants to show her how much he loves her; how his love has changed.

The television flickers blue on Rey’s face. She looks ethereal. She’s the angel she was when he first saw her swaddled in her blanket. Ben’s angel.

He kisses her shoulder as he begins masturbating right next to his sister. He’s not covered up and he’s breathing hot on her neck, trying to entice her to join him like he joined her. A surge of sick pleasure rushes through Ben.

 “I think about you all the time,” he whispers. A wet kiss presses to her earlobe. “I can’t help it. I love you. No one else will ever love you like I do.”

Rey doesn’t answer. She sits in silence and Ben peppers kisses on her neck, scooting closer each time she tries to slip away. He imagines she’s just a little shy and needs some encouragement, like when she didn’t want to go to kindergarten.

Ben shivers and clings to her hip. His sister ignores him, even as he grunts and comes all over his hand and sprays the floor with warm cum. It’s a fucking mess, but he doesn’t care.

He tugs her to his side and lies down on the floor with Rey at his side. She trembles. His chest heaves and he smiles at the ceiling.

 “Want to watch a movie?” Ben mumbles.

Rey doesn’t answer. She shrugs, though. He kisses the top of her head and grabs the remote from behind him to turn on some OnDemand junk. His sticky hand comes back to rest in his stomach.

They lie on the floor in silence. Maybe that’s easier.


	9. A heart that's harder than stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh yeah this is pretty fucked up

Sometimes it’s best to let buried things stay buried, but Ben’s desperate to get over this Rey thing. Therapy isn’t helping—he just wants her more and more. He decides to try hypnosis.

—————

Something fleeting—a shadow.

 “Want to see something cool I figured out, Ben?”

He’s in bed with Rey, passed out after a movie. He grunts. She’s giggling and still awake; he doesn’t know how old. Snoke prompts him. Ben grunts. ‘Not big enough to have real tits.’ Small enough to still sleep in his bed that reeks of sweat and Axe. Big enough to have a period.

It’s not an old memory, just one he hates.

Rey puffs on his chest and wriggles closer. He feels her grab his thigh, only in boxers; she squirms her legs around it. Ben frowns and winds his fingers through her hair, holding her ear to his chest.

She seems like she’s adjusting. “I can hear your heart beating.” Breath hitches. “Bump… bump… bump…”

His face twitches. He realizes what she’s doing but he doesn’t try to stop her. Rey pants on his neck and whines and clings to his thigh as she bucks against it. Ben tries to think of what to say or how to rationalize it without acknowledging what’s happening.

Rey giggles. “Feels good. Want to try?” She paws between his legs and Ben’s eyes pop open. “Oh… what’s this?”

He can’t help a groan when her tiny hand closes around his shaft. Weakly, he mumbles and pulls on her wrists, but Rey wants what she wants, and she keeps tugging and squeezing. His stomach twists. This is fucked up. This is wrong.

She breathes on his chest. “Ah… almost done. It gets tingly when I’m done.” Her crotch slides back and forth and he feels a wet spot on his skin. “I think about you. I wanted to show you.”

 “…Yeah?” Ben grunts. He reaches down and guides her hand on his cock. The other tugs aside his button.

 “Mhm. Since we… we do everything together.”

 “Yup.” He reaches lower and cups a hand on her back. Just to feel her squirming. “How’d you figure this out, babe?”

Rey makes longer rubs. “With my pillow.” Her hand falls away from his cock and he guides it back to hot, bare skin. “It’s soft.”

Ben buries his face in his pillow. It’s early morning by now and he’s got his regularly scheduled wood. That’s why he’s hard. Who cares if she touches him and he happens to get off? It’s just orgasms. He gets them on his own plenty of times.

Rey pushes harder. Ben strokes her lower back with his thumb while she frantically humps through her orgasm on his thigh, soft voice catching in squeaks. More wet wipes off on his skin and he slides his hand over the swell of her ass. She’s wearing a nightie. Lacy pink panties.

He worms a finger under the hem near her crotch. “Done anything else?” His fingertip touches sticky wetness. Warmth. She’s _wet._

 “A little. I feel inside sometimes.”

 “Yeah?” Ben slicks his finger on her juices, gentle, trying not to scare her. “You like that?”

 “It feels good.”

She’s still stroking his cock. He plays with her entrance a bit more, debating pushing a finger inside, and decides it’s too far. Ben withdraws his hand and wipes off her essence on the back of her thigh. There. Evidence is gone. Nothing happened.

Rey wriggles down. She wants to see what it looks like, she says. Ben stares at the green wall in his old bedroom and his lip quivers when he feels her breath on his head. He rubs his face and cups the back of her head. She has her soft hair down.

 “It’s ugly,” she mutters.

He strokes her head. “You think?”

 “Yup.”

 “The Frog Prince was ugly, too. What fixed him?”

Ben doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing—or he does and doesn’t give a shit. He bites the thin tissue between his index finger and palm when Rey delicately kisses the tip of his cock. _Fuck._ Holy shit.

She tries again. And again. Complains about the sticky stuff coming out. Ben mumbles for her to open her mouth and she does, and it’s wet and sloppy, the best kind of blow job. He pushes his hair back, palm on his forehead, tenderly cupping the back of his sister’s head while she bobs up and down on his cock.

He thrusts slowly. Sometimes she chokes or gags and it turns him on even more. She’s lying at his side under the covers, clinging to his boxers. Ben listens to the toilet flush down the hall in their parent’s room.

 “Yeah,” Ben whispers to himself, he thinks, “that’s it… that’s it… good little fucktoy.” He rolls a bit, angling his hips down, sort of pinning Rey under his hips. He holds her head and thrusts long and deep. “Thanks for showing big brother your cool trick, baby. This is _his_ favorite game.”

Rey whimpers. He keeps thrusting until he comes, hot and thick, right down her throat. She scrabbles at his stomach at first, then she’s swallowing, skinny throat bobbing under his thumb. He’s dizzy.

Ben rolls away. His sister pants and coughs, then whines and crawls to his side. He wipes her mouth with the edge of his comforter and turns to embrace her. Rey trembles against his chest.

 “It’s okay,” he whispers. “You did so good.”

—————

The rest of the day, Ben cries and drinks. He drinks until he pukes, hits a few lines, and falls asleep on the futon curled up with Rey’s clothes. He smells them. Thinks about lying beside her on the floor; thinks about how horribly he’s scarred her.

He thinks about it, then he texts her and demands she come see him—because he gave up MIT for her, god fucking dammit. He ruined his life for her, just like he ruined her life for him. Because she loves him, too.

—————

They’ll watch a movie in his room and one will start silently moving against the other. It goes on until she’s thirteen. Fourteen? Sixteen?

She hates him for it, but she hates herself even more. Maybe it’s why she still cares.

Now she’s fifteen and they’re in bed in his apartment. Things unfold like they did before. Under the covers, under the night, alone in unspeakable sin.

Ben lies half on top of her with his thigh between her legs. Rey is panting in the darkness, humping like she used to, this time quick strokes because she knows what comes at the end. Their forgotten movie about aliens flickers on the TV. It drowns our what they’re doing and what it means.

He waits until she comes with quiet little mewls. Then he’s cradling her head as she slides down under the covers, then he’s closing his eyes, then he’s smiling.

Ben threads his fingers through her hair, just to make sure she knows he’s there. Her wet little mouth opens and her lips cover her teeth as he slowly pushes in. He feels her tongue graze the underside of his cock. This is where they’re meant to be.

 “Yeah,” he breathes. He runs his thumb down the shell of her ear. “Good… good…”

Rey grasps his hip the entire time. She settles into letting him fuck her mouth like he used to, and covers his cock in spit. Ben holds her in place and drives deeper with long, hard strokes. He wants to fuck her cunt—but he’ll settle for coming down her throat.

She swallows it down. He keeps a hand locked around her throat the entire time so he can feel her swallow.


	10. And it hurts a whole lot, but it’s missed when it’s gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another sad snippet story done

Someone slaps Ben’s head.

He wakes with a grunt, tangled in his sheets, and sees Rey standing at his bedside. She’s only wearing one of his old T-shirts; some AC/DC thing with holes in the armpits that drapes down past her thighs.

She’s a thing of beauty in the pale morning light. She’s something he needs.

Ben threads his fingers through Rey’s and gives a gentle tug. Her knees hit the edge of her bed and he notices she has tears in her eyes, but he doesn’t think he can bring himself to contemplate why. He pulls her into his messy bed and rolls over on top of her.

They wind in his sheets, still carrying the faint scent of sweat from last night, and Ben feels her soft breath on his neck. He’s naked and her warmth embraces him; draws him in between her thighs. They’re lost together in thick lines of sunlight.

Rey smears tears on his cheek, but she doesn’t speak, and neither does he.

There’s always been a barrier: clothes, age. Nothing now. They’re alone in his apartment, hazy morning spinning them into a daydream, and they can both pretend like they always have. It’s always been an escape. Rey has the parent she needs and Ben has the woman he wants.

He buries his face in her neck and shudders as his cock brushes her slit—slight, enough to make him jerk back. Rey swallows and widens her legs. Accepting.

Ben pushes on. Hair rolls across his shaft, because she doesn’t shave (of course she doesn’t shave) and it gives him a sick thrill knowing he’ll be the first and the last. His stomach skates across hers, skin on skin, and he absently kisses her neck as his tentative thrusts quicken. Just this. Whatever happens, happens.

He can’t plan it out by putting a condom on. That’s fucked up.

Rey runs her small fingertips along Ben’s spine. Goosebumps bloom down his arms and upper back and he shivers again, rocking gently against her as her body begins to respond. Wet. She’s wet. He can feel it on the underside of his cock and hear pleasure in the soft breaths when he rubs across her clit.

It must feel good. She squirms around the way she always does on his thigh until she comes, whimpering and pushing her toes along his calf. Ben hugs his sister closer and draws back, carefully angling so his cock catches on the edge of her entrance, wet and hot.

Her thighs squeeze his hips. He breathes in her ear, slow and steady.

It’s easier this way.

Flesh gives. Supple, virgin flesh Ben didn’t have to pay for. She owes him. He’s given up everything to make Rey happy— _everything._ He raised her. He taught her how to masturbate and ride a bike and drive a car; how to suck a cock just the right way.

The bed creaks as he struggles closer, clenching the muscles in his lower back, bobbing as gently as he can inside Rey’s body. He’s sick with excitement. He wants her so badly he can taste it.

Silent, Ben takes her. She’s sticky-wet, right and warm, like the embrace he’s always starved for and never found. He huffs out a groan on her shoulder and bites lightly, cock sinking inside and joining them together in whatever _this_ is. Not right, but maybe not quite wrong. Maybe it works.

Rey cries into his neck, which should turn him off. Ben shushes her and keeps moving. She feels safe. She feels like home.

 “I love you,” he whispers. His thrusts are long and languid, tip to hilt, enjoying the tight wetness of Rey. He doesn’t know if he will again.

She doesn’t reply.

Ben basks in the silence and the subtle wet sounds each time he buries his cock inside her, until he feels his orgasm building near the small of his back. He whispers again, promising Rey he loves her, cock stiffening and twitching, weeping precum. He _could_ get her pregnant. Blood to blood.

But he’s not going to stop. He pants and rolls his hips and lingers each time he bottoms out, circling to stretch his sister and feel her tight body clinging to him. She likes it. She sniffles and bites his shoulder then she’s coming again. Muscles flutter and throb, milking Ben’s cock like she’s begging him to fill her up; her mewls and curling toes just drive him home.

He nuzzles the shirt she’s wearing. It smells like both of them. Together.

 “I’m close.” He drags in and out, all friction and skin. Each stroke rubs his cockhead just the right way—this is better than any woman he’s ever paid for, and it’s the only thing he ever wants again. “Gonna come, baby. Come inside you.”

Rey sniffles in his ear. “Am I bad?”

 “No, no—never.” Ben’s lips part, breath catching. He’s tightening up. “No worries, baby. You’re perfect.” He kisses to the corner of her mouth and rests his forehead on hers, finally meeting her wide hazel eyes glimmering with tears. “Perfect.”

Something—maybe her vulnerability—tips him over the edge. He moans and kisses Rey as tenderly as he can, chasing his climax with bucking hips and a creaky bed. He gasps against her lips and struggles ever closer, grinding his spurting cock as deep as he can. He’s filling her up. No condom. Blood to blood.

They still. Panting.

Ben kisses sleeping along his sister’s cheeks, thumbing through the memories, and nuzzles under her jaw.

He loves her, more than she’ll ever know.


End file.
